Love Is Love

Do you feel the pressure building?

The anger spilling out now

Meanwhile, the cracks have formed on

The masks we’ve worn up ‘til now

We are far from perfect

But perfect as we are

We are bruised, we are broken

But we are goddamn works of art

Far From Perfect - Rise Against

*Spoilers ahead*

Trumpet starts off with one of our narrators, Millie Moody, describing how she feels trapped in her own home. The author, Jackie Kay, paints a picture of Millie in her home with press and photographers outside waiting for her to leave to catch some type of scoop for a story. Millie hides in her home and ends up leaving in the night to escape the press. Millie drives to her family home in Scotland where she feels safe, but yet still feels the chills of a camera click which is sending her into somewhat of a spiral.

As the story continues we find out that Millie’s husband, Joss Moody, has died. That is the reason as to why Millie is feeling the way she is, why she is fleeing back to Scotland, the town of Torr to be specific, and why the press is trying to invade Millie’s life. The press is so interested because Joss was a very talented and professional jazz trumpet player, but with a secret. Millie feels safe in Torr because it was a place where Joss, Colman, their son, and herself would go to vacation as well as somewhere she would go as a child. Millie is convinced that no one, including the press, will find her in Torr and that is something that unfortunately does not stay accurate.

Trumpet consists of 35 consecutive parts with no set narrator. For the most part the chapters are from Millie and Colman’s perspective, but there are a few parts that other characters mentioned get to narrate. The interesting part is some of the characters who are chosen, have little to no correlation to the Moody family at all, but it shows how one person’s story can impact many people around you, good or bad.

Our author, Jackie Kay, continues the story in Millie’s perspective while she is at Torr. Millie reminisces of the times she spent at Torr as a child as well as when her, Joss and Colman would visit. We learn how Millie can still picture Joss in that house, how she misses him and is so concerned of the secret that they kept that she deems as harmless. Now, as the audience, I read that line and immediately thought, lies are always harmful, no matter how small, but it pulls readers in because now all you want is to learn the so called lie Millie mentions.

Millie continues to go down memory lane, and one thing Kay goes in depth with is how Joss started courting Millie and how they became a couple. Joss and Millie met at a blood bank and Millie was immediately captivated by Joss, more specifically his skin tone and beautiful black curly hair. Kay describes Joss’ skin tone as “highland coffee.” I love this reference to Scotland because it stays true to Millie’s safe place throughout the entire story. The story continues with Millie and Joss going on multiple dates to jazz bars where they hear saxophone players perform, and they talk, learn a lot about each other, and end up courting for about three months. After each date, Joss will walk Millie back to her place, kiss her on the cheek and say goodnight. One night though, Joss decides to kiss Millie on the mouth quite passionately and that makes Millie gain some confidence and invite Joss to come upstairs to her flat. They go into Millie’s bedroom where Joss becomes very timid and shy. Millie asks what is wrong and Joss pretty much says that there is something he needs to tell Millie and should have months ago, but if he did he knew that Millie would have stopped seeing him. This of course sends Millie into a swirl of emotions and she assumes the worst, that he’s married, committed a crime, etc. Millie tries convincing Joss that nothing is bad when you are in love, but Joss tries to end the conversation by saying that they can’t see each other anymore. Millie gets very upset because she is in love with Joss and believes that love means something. This entire encounter of course draws the reader in that much more so once Joss comes to the agreement of “if you really want to know, I won’t hide it anymore” it feels as if this could be the lie Millie touched on at the beginning of the book. Joss then starts stripping and taking off each clothing item one by one. Millie gets excited because now she thinks their argument is over and Joss wants to “make love”, but to Millie’s surprise, Joss’ secret is under the clothes. Millie is still confused as Joss is removing his clothes, but once everything is off and Millie sees two small breasts, she understands the secret, which in turn, us as readers understand as well.

The story continues on with Millie back in present day in Torr. She walks along the coast, to the stores in town where she sees people she knows. They ask about Mr. Moody and how he is, and Millie’s explanation is the first time she has felt like a widow and has broken down mentally due to the death of her husband. Kay then continues the story with more flashbacks to Joss and Millie’s wedding, which you then assume that Millie accepted Joss for who he is and loved him anyway. Millie’s family on the other hand, specifically her mother, did not accept Joss because he was black and Millie was white. Now keep in mind this was the 1950s when this occurred, but to Millie’s surprise, her mother ended up coming to their wedding along with Millie’s three brothers and it was a night she cherishes for years to come.

To continue on in their life, you then learn that Millie want to have a child, which she ends up resenting Joss for because he cannot give her one. Joss gives the option for Millie to get impregnated by another man, but that angers Millie that Joss would even suggest something like that. They end up agreeing to adopt but because of the anatomy in question, they have to come up with reasons why they chose adoption in case people ask, such as Millie possibly having a hysterectomy or Joss’ sperm count being the issue. You then head back to the present day with Millie receiving a letter at Torr. It doesn’t look to be in Colman’s handwriting, but instead a journalist named Sophie Stone. Sophie says that she is “collaborating with” and interviewing Colman regarding Joss Moody and she wants to speak with Millie as well to get both sides of the story.

The next chapter, which kind of introduces Colman, was a very short chapter written in the perspective of the doctor who declared Joss Moody as dead. This doctor says that on the death certificate, she writes “male” upon looking at the body, but once undressing she found bandages wrapped around the torso of Joss Moody. She assumed there was an injury to Mr. Moody, but once the breasts were revealed, she took a red pen, and crossed out “male” and wrote in “female.” This major change is what set the rest of the course in the novel.

The story continues with Colman’s perspective. Colman reflects on how it felt to grow up with the famous Joss Moody as his father. He always felt like he was never good enough because his dad was a well known and very talented musician. Colman’s side of the story in present day comes into play after the doctor has identified Joss Moody’s body. Colman went to see his father in the funeral home to help in any way, and the director ended up calling Joss a she. Colman was very confused by this because Joss was his father, a he, not a she. The director reiterated that Joss has female anatomy which is what sparked Colman’s downward spiral of anger and betrayal. Colman has no choice but to look back on every instance in his life where he feels the lie became true and started making sense. Of course, the way Colman found out about the lie can force anger into his heart, not just the lie itself, and that is exactly what happened.

The rest of the book shows both Millie’s side as well as Colman’s. Colman is busy navigating his anger towards his mother and father while Millie is trying to process the fact that the love of her life is gone and people are trying to attack her when to her, it is none of their business who Joss was. Colman’s perspective mainly focuses on his new endeavor with Sophie Stone, the journalist. Sophie ends up sending another letter to Millie, while at Torr, dictating all the information Colman has already told her and that Colman has a key both to Torr and her flat in London and if Colman wanted to, he could tell Sophie all of the family’s secrets. Sophie wants to know everything about Joss, including his life as a child which in turn gets Millie to think about anything she knew about Joss as a child. All she knows is that he used to be called Josephine, which didn’t necessarily surprise me as a reader.

Colman’s perspective comes back with him telling Sophie about a letter Joss had written him before he died, which he refuses to open. Sophie of course wants to know everything that was in that letter, which even as a reader I was very intrigued. Colman continues on telling Sophie about his life with Millie and Joss as his parents, which then leads into parts in the perspective of one of Joss’ childhood friends, a band mate of Joss, the Moody’s house cleaner and even Sophie the journalist.

The writing style of this particular novel was very interesting indeed. There were many sentences that often times felt clipped. While I was reading it helped me read faster and understand really what was going on. There was never any over embellishment, just straight facts about what was happening in the story. Kay made sure this writing style stayed consistent over the entire novel, no matter who was narrating, which is important to me as a reader. When I am reading something, sometimes shorter sentences in a longer paragraph help me comprehend everything that is going on better, rather than longer sentences in a shorter paragraph. Those instances, there is too much information and most times I have to return to a few sentences before and re-read other wise my brain does not remember what I read the first time.

The song Far From Perfect by Rise Against was the only song I heard while reading Trumpet.The lyrics do you feel the pressure building? the anger spilling out now, they reminded me of Colman’s feelings toward his father and the lie that has been told to Colman his entire life. Colman was so angry when he found out the truth that he started helping a journalist who wanted to expose his family just because of anger. I’m not saying that Colman shouldn’t have been angry, but this shows the reader how much anger can cloud your judgement and/or how much anger can impact any and all of your decisions. The remaining lyrics of the song I chose I think reflects more on Joss and Millie and their version of their life together. Meanwhile, the cracks have formed on, the masks we’ve worn up ‘til now. We are far from perfect, but perfect as we are. We are bruised, we are broken, but we are goddamn works of art. Specifically the line the masks we’ve worn up ‘til now reminds me of when the truth came out and how Millie felt about it. How the lie that Millie and Joss have been keeping from their families, from their friends, from Joss’ fans, from their own son, it just goes to show that the masks had to come down at some point. With that being said the very last line of lyrics I think also just shows how no matter the lie, Millie and Joss thought that they were okay. They thought that their lie wasn’t harming anyone and that it was their life and they could keep it a secret if they wanted. In their eyes, they weren’t perfect, but they were perfect for each other, and their life together was a work of art.

From the first page of this book, I was drawn in. I couldn’t put it down and next thing I knew what I thought was only a few pages that went by, it was actually about 75 pages. The way Kay started the book and how she wrote the different perspectives of everyone involved is what made me give this book a 4.5 out of 5 star rating. I was so intrigued with how one chapter we got Millie’s perspective during present day, then we got Millie’s perspective back when Joss and Millie met, next we got Colman’s perspective of present day and also we got different perspectives of people who were in Joss, Millie and Colman’s life. It was intriguing to see how one lie and or one life can impact so many people around them. It also showed me that one lie can either get you to turn away from those you love or support them. Colman is a great example of turning away, which I have explained above, but someone who ended up supporting was Joss’ drummer, Big Red McCall. In Big Red’s section, he receives a phone call asking to discuss Joss’ lie. Big Red says he never knew, but said no matter what Joss was an incredible musician and he deserved to be talked about with the utmost sincerity in his passing. It very much reminded me of Millie’s love and understanding of Joss. Yes, Millie and Big Red’s love for Joss were very different, but both of them loved Joss for the person he was, and for the talent that he was. Big Red focused more on the fact that Joss was a kind soul and a talented musician. He didn’t let the skeletons hiding in Joss’ closet impair his view of his old band mate.

The reason why I loved this book so much is behind this lie, it was a true love that knew no bounds. Millie loved and accepted Joss for everything he was and Millie never asked Joss to change or not be himself. It was a love that speaks volumes for people loving you for the person you are, not for what your body looks like or what society makes you feel like. You know who you are, as a person, truly deep down, and if you can find someone who loves you as you are, then you have reached true love.

Even though Colman struggled a lot through the book, he learned a lot about himself as well, which as an author, Kay did a fantastic job showing. Kay strategically showed us readers how you can react to lies in your life and how the way you react will dictate so much more than you realize. Kay was able to show us readers the train effect lives have and how to be careful with how you live them, while also showing us that we only get one life, and to live it to the fullest.