My Body is MY Body, I'll Call The Shots

And teach, teach me to heal my scars

I've heard it said that beauty is when scars become art

'Cause I wanna love you for good

For good or for bad, when times get sad

And when we fight

And I wanna love you for good

For good or for bad, when you make me mad

'Cause you're the love of my life

Scars Become Art - Gatton

She don't see her perfect

She don't understand she's worth it

Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface, oh-oh, oh-oh

So to all the girls that's hurting

Let me be your mirror

Help you see a little bit clearer

The light that shines within

There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark

You should know you're beautiful just the way you are

And you don't have to change a thing

The world could change its heart

No scars to your beautiful

We're stars and we're beautiful

Scars To Your Beautiful - Alessia Cara

Ashley breaks apart her book with an Introduction, 9 different chapters, a Post Script and an Acknowledgments page. Below is a table of contents to give you a closer look into the different topics Ashley discusses in her book. I only mention them now because I will be referencing a few later on in the post, and honestly, this gives you a little teaser into what this book is really about. Yes, Ashley discusses her story, but she talks about much more than that. She talks about her life experience as a plus size woman in a world that thinks of her as an outcast, and in turn gives advice for young girls, aspiring models, other women, men, and honestly anyone wanting to read her story. Below I will talk about what I liked about this book because to put it plainly, I didn't find much to dislike. I will also give a few sneak peaks into a few of the chapters. I will mention some good key points and talk about some unique topics.

Introduction: My (Cellulite) Revolution

Chapter 1: Fame, Fortune, Self-Love - What Modeling Doesn't Get You

Chapter 2: My Vagina: With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

Chapter 3: Put the Snickers Down

Chapter 4: When the Fun and Games Aren't Fun Anymore

Chapter 5: Taking Cover

Chapter 6: How to Slay Your Style

Chapter 7: I Feel Your Food FOMO

Chapter 8: The Ties That Bind

Chapter 9: Turning the Competition into Community

Post Script: Beauty Beyond Size

Acknowledgements

I picked two songs for this book, and let me explain. These are two different songs of course, not too far off from each other, but different in genre, in meaning, and by song writer. The first song I chose to describe how I felt while reading this book is called "Scars Become Art" by Gatton. I chose this song and that particular chunk of lyrics because I felt as if I was singing the words directly to myself. That is how this book made me feel. I felt like in certain points, Ashley was talking to me, not just writing a book for the whole world. This song may have been meant for a significant other or just singing to another person, and in other lyrics for the song I can see why, but for this chunk in particular, it was something I needed to hear. That within itself is something I truthfully believe in. Music speaks to me more than anything and everything in this world, and the line "and when we fight, and I wanna love you for good, for good or for bad, when you make me mad, 'cause you're the love of my life" really hit home. To me, I didn't envision singing this lyric to another person, but I was singing it to myself. Do you ever get in those moods where one day you love the body you came in, and would never want to change it, but then the next day you tear yourself down so hard that middle school bullies seem like a walk in the park? No? Well I have, and I have them more days than I care to admit. But this lyric? It told me that no matter how many times I get mad at my body, or how many good or bad times we have together, I'm going to love you for the rest of my life. For good or for bad.

Of course, no one is perfect. I can't tell myself that I am going to be confident and talk myself up everyday for the rest of my life, that's crazy. I'd love to, don't get me wrong, but I'm only human. Now something that does help that scenario, are reminders. Reminders can be in a person talking to you, a Facebook post, a song quote, etc. Mine is normally a song quote, if any one is surprised, but in Alessia Cara's lyrics in "Scars To Your Beautiful", they had a different effect on me that "Scars Become Art". To me, while I was reading "A New Model" there was a particular part in it where Ashley talks about the different opportunities she has gotten as a plus-size model, to show other women and girls in the world that they are beautiful too. I think Ashley is very much using Alessia's wording with "let me be your mirror, help you see a little bit clearer, the light that shines within." With this lyric I felt the same as the song above. That Ashley was speaking truths to me about my body and how to love myself. I think that Ashley is helping pave the way for all the women in the world, not just women in a size 14 or above. She is putting a lot on her shoulders, but she also is not playing the victim. Both songs are reminders about how to look at ourselves, but also reminders on how to look at others and remember that just because someone appears one way, don't mean they aren't struggling under the surface.

That is something I appreciated while reading this book. There is a certain quote in the book at the very end of "Chapter 6: How to Slay Your Style" where Ashley gives the advice to curvier girls "If you want to be fashion forward, and you're curvy, you have to be open. Trust me. Just try it on." Ashley does a great way of explaining that sometimes us women can be harder on ourselves while out shopping than while at home looking in the mirror, or at least that is how I interpreted it. We look at mannequins and stores that only carry size XS-L and assume what looks good on a size 2 will look terrible on a size 16. The way I interpret Ashley's quote is plain and simple, just try it on. You will never know how you look and feel in something until you give it a chance. And let's be honest, everyone, not just ladies, but everyone feels 100x more confident in themselves when they are wearing an article of clothing they think they look amazing in, as one should.

Something else Ashley touches on is in "Chapter 9: Turning the Competition into Community" is an organization, as I would call it, her and 5 other ex-Ford models created. Ashley and her aspiring model friends were just "dropped" so to speak from the Ford modeling agency because Ford was getting rid of their "plus-size" section, as well as many other sections. These models didn't know if they should sign with Ford as an "ordinary" model or find work else where. They ended up getting together just to talk out their fears and concerns and ended up creating this group which they named, Alda. Alda is the Icelandic word for "wave". This term was unique to them because it wasn't something like the "Curvy Girls", but it was unique to their situation and to the mentality they wanted to bring to the modeling world and to the world in general. With this organization Ashley and her fellow models created, it was a scenario that was stereotypically meant to pit women against each other, but what they did instead shows us what women should be doing; and that is to support each other, for good or for bad. They chose the word Alda to show either "the waves that the curves of their bodies made, or how we were making a wave in the fashion industry," and to the best of my judgement, they did. This to me breaks the stereotype of women tearing each other down. It puts into perspective that our jobs as women, same as men, and any other sexual orientation that you should not belittle one another. You should cheer each other on and wish for the other to succeed, while also cheering on yourself and helping yourself succeed. The phrase works both ways. Don't tear others down to make yourself feel better, and don't tear yourself down to make others feel better. I think Ashley touches a good amount on this topic and discusses why it's important.

What I personally liked about Ashley's book was how she wrote it. As I stated above, I didn't view the way Ashley was writing as her playing the victim card, but just as a human who has gone through certain experiences and someone who wanted to share those experiences. Ashley talked about her struggles, as well as her successes. She talked about her relationship with her parents and the relationship with her husband. She talked about how she became a model, her early career as a model, and how she got to where she is now. She goes in depth on what advice has helped her throughout her life and what advice she could have survived without hearing. Ashley balances a good amount of topics in her book without making her sound like she was preaching to me as a reader.

One of my favorite chapters Ashley wrote is "Chapter 5: Taking Cover". The main topic of the chapter is what Ashley says is taking charge of your own destiny and claiming it. In this chapter she makes a point about trying to alter the stereotype of "bigger girls/bigger women". Something Ashley mentions is about how throughout history, bigger women were considered the pinnacle of beauty. "A bigger woman signified wealth, desirability, and fertility." Now from my perspective that is a damn good compliment and a great way to look at bigger women, and women in general. But as we continue reading, Ashley mentions that now in our modern age, we glorify the notion that being thin is pretty and that a woman can't be too big or too rich. Don't get me wrong all women are beautiful, bigger or smaller, it's just, unfortunately, one is more accepted than the other and that is what I consider a problem. Ashley goes in more depth in this chapter about how the world is different for bigger girls because they are more sexualized than "smaller girls". A thinner girl could wear a bra and underwear on TV, but since is not a lot of cleavage, it is considered "okay". But if a bigger girl did that, they would be over sexualized for having more body to show. It is a great chapter that puts into perspective life as a bigger girl, not just in the eye of fashion.

Ashley mentions towards the end of "Chapter 3: Put the Snickers Down" that she believes everything happens for a reason. "I believe that you are better for the struggles you have endured. Difficult times will come your way, but it's how you handle them that makes you the person you are." Immediately reading this it reminded me of my own mother. Growing up, my parents taught me to always power through life struggles and I can say that I would not be who I am today if I had not taken their advice. I fully believe that Ashley is the same. She would not be the body activist, show-stopping model, beautiful woman that is she today. She had to go through a lot of hardship to get to where she is, and that is something I admire.

Ashley recites a quote her mother said to her, "When I'm with you, I see the difference you're making in people's lives, and it's not because you're pretty; it's because you are making other people feel okay with who they are. That's what's important. Beauty doesn't last, but how you made those people feel will." And I can truly say that the feeling she gave me while I was reading this book, it will last. On too many pages to count, Ashley states "For good or for bad". I mentioned it a few times throughout this post. It is something that had a greater impact on me than other topics in this book. Ashley mentions this phrase when talking about her relationship with food, her parents, her views on her body, society's views of her body, etc. It is something that she says to accept different circumstances, or at least that is how I interpreted it. I'm not sure if the way she uses the phrase will be the same way as me, but it is something that I will be taking with me from reading this book.

No matter what, this book is a good read. It is a good read for people trying to find who they are in the world, and also just a good book to have on vacation. It is a good book for an older age group since it does mention sex and drugs, men, etc., but either way, it isn't graphic and only touches on what Ashley went through. As well as I stated above, it put body positivity in a different perspective for me. There are things Ashley talks about that I will remember in the back of my mind whenever I am hard on myself. Ashley's voice will be telling me, "My body is MY body. I'll call the shots." I will decide who I will listen to about MY body. I will decide who I will let shame MY body and how I will react. And most of off, I will protect MY body when it comes to ME, MYSELF, and I, tearing it down.

I wanted to end this review with a written apology for my repetitiveness about how amazing this book is, but I'm not. I know this book won't be for everyone, but I do recommend it.